Beauty

I had what I guess you could call an epiphany recently, in the girls toilets at university - the nice ones on the first floor that hardly anyone seems to use - I was standing at the sinks looking into the mirror and I realised that I am beautiful. I was wearing one of those loose T shirts that ties up at the bottom so you can see a bit of your stomach and jeans from Marks and Sparks that might have at one point belonged to my mother. The point I'm trying to make here is that I didn't look particularly flashy and I hadn't spent a lot of time or money on my outfit. It was as if a switch had been flicked, all of a sudden all the years of self doubt and self depreciation, of worrying about my skin - I had terrible acne as a teenager, my weight, my thighs, my hair being too frizzy or too greasy and sometimes managing to be both at the same time, my skin being too oily and my nose being too big, didn't matter anymore.

I'm definitely not perfect - I've yet to meet anyone who is, but I don't want to be bigger or smaller or more or less of anything anymore. I want to my shirts tied up at the bottom so my stomach's on show. I don't care that it's not the flattest stomach, it makes me feel good and I like it. My waist is one of my favourite features and if I want to show it off, I will.

While this may not be a particularly exciting revelation for anyone else, I feel it's an important one. Someone I care about pointed out a photograph of me a few weeks ago - I'm not wearing any make up and my hair is blowing about in the wind - and they said it was the most beautiful photograph of me they'd ever seen. I think it was that comment that started this thought process and I'm very grateful for that. I feel as I've been set free.

Fourteen

This is my friend Emma and I, on Boxing Day - my parents live by the coast, so we thought we might as well have a swim! It was freezing.

2014 is for knitting a Kaffe Fassett sweater and visiting the Shetland Islands. It's for knitting baby clothes for a dear friend of mine and reading more books. It's for going outside more and going on walks without having a proper destination. For cooking more meals from scratch and eating less things out of packets. For learning to dress make and sewing skirts from flowery fabric. It's for travelling and seeing old friends. It's for hosting more dinner parties and laughing more. It's for learning new skills and trying to have less and be more. It's for growing more vegetables and trying to eat less cakes. It's for sitting on my fire escape wrapped in blankets. It's for swimming in the ocean and braiding my hair with threads and beads. It's for wearing red lipstick and hand knitted jumpers and being with the friends with whom I feel most at home. It's for recording everything more and blogging often. It's for photographing things on film and going to exhibitions. It's for listening and for watching and for understanding. It's for staying in contact with friends that are leaving. It's for embracing change and not being scared. It's for forgetting the things that made 2013 so hard and trying to start over.

Recently In Pictures

Rob Ryan's 'There Is Only Time' exhibition at the Sims Reed Gallery and some pretty yarn I bought at the Knitting and Stitching show.

My mum at my birthday lunch and below, her spectacular jumper.

My Dad took me out for lunch for my birthday, he never lets me take photos of him and I love this one.

My lovely flatmate Harriet at my birthday party - she was in charge of the magic straws and the cocktails.

Knitting and cake. The vital ingredients for a birthday party.

Gorgeous flowers from my friend Bekah.

This girl, skeleton make up and all, is amazing. 

Harriet and I went to the fireworks for my birthday :)

My friends and family are pretty wonderful really.
A ♥

A Little Jumper Snobbery

It's Autumn - and one of the reasons why Autumn is my favourite season, is the opportunity for knitwear shopping. I love jumpers. If I had my way, I'd wear them all year round - but this year, summer had other ideas. 

This isn't just a post for me to show off my new mustard jumper - although it is fabulous - but to comment on the knitwear that's on the highstreet this season. I went out this week to buy jumpers and I was saddened to see the jumpers on display in the shops.

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To illustrate my point, here are two examples from River Island, styles that are echoed in H&M, Topshop, New Look etc. The pink cardigan is made from 24% Acrylic, 19% Nylon (Polyamide) and 57% Polyester. Not only is it utterly hideous, it retails at £40.00. As for the jumper on the right, it's clearly having a personality crisis.

I don't want sweaters made of 'novelty yarns' - but if I did, I certainly wouldn't pay that price for something that would spontaneously combust if I struck a match whilst wearing it! Nor do I want 'fun' slogans knitted across the front of them or statement 'ugly' jumpers. I want classic knitwear. Fair Isle patterns, cables and warm Autumn colours.  I was lucky enough to stumble upon this mustard yellow extravaganza in the mens department of H&M - it's 100% cotton, so not ultra warm, but at least a natural fibre. It's a larger size than I'd have picked if I had a choice - it was the only one on the rack - but it was a mustard yellow shade of love at first sight. I don't care if it hides my figure or makes me look like a sack of potatoes, it's yellow which is all that matters.

A ♥

A few thoughts on first year…

I can't really believe that I've finished my first year of art school. On one hand, it's flown by, on the other, it's been slow going and a lot of hard work. I wanted to share a few photos of my Final Major Project - you can see a few more here - and a couple of thoughts, now that first year is over.

It's been a fun year, amongst the hard work, the late nights and early mornings, juggling schoolwork with paid work and moving house and trying to socialise. I've met some lovely people and thrown a few dinner parties and now and again, I've managed to surprise myself. There were a fair few moments where I wanted to give up and some days where I did just stay in bed, but that's okay. I handed all my work in, on time, even though three weeks before my final first year deadline I really just wanted to crawl into bed and stay there until it was over. 

 

I'm glad it's over. I'm going to work harder next year and prioritise things differently. But for now, it's done and I'm on summer break until the end of September. I haven't had this much time to myself for a long time, I'm going to keep very busy with knitting projects and catching up with old friends.

A ♥

Film Love

Whilst I'm awaiting summer 2013, I want to share some film I shot last summer - all these are taken with expired APS film, at the night in July where The Boss headlined Hard Rock Calling. I'm a huge Springsteen fan (thanks Mum & Dad) and I'm seeing him twice this summer, but here are some photos from last year.

Yep. That's Bruce and Sir Paul McCartney.

An amazing night. If you get the chance to see him on The Wrecking Ball tour, seize it with both hands! 

You can see these photos at larger sizes here

A ♥

Waiting for Summer

There's one week to go until final hand-in, and another until the last day of term. I cannot wait. In fact, I'm not waiting, I'm already getting started on my list of summer projects. I might've rearranged my entire living room last weekend and I might've repainted my hallway on a whim this afternoon…
That yellow you see, well it's called Bumble Bee and it's the colour of my new 'feature wall'.

I'm looking forward to having time for myself this summer. This summer I'm going to make my home beautiful. I'm going to stay with my friends. I'm going to make things. I'm going to grow things. I'm going to knit all the clothes I'll need for winter. I'm going to draw. I can't wait.

A ♥

ps. I tend not to talk about sad real-life things often here, but everyone gets heart broken and life goes on. I want Happy Daisy to be all about honesty. Even if it's not always happy honesty. 

Gardening Without A Garden

I love gardening. Growing and nurturing seeds into plants is one of my favourite things about summer. Nature really is amazing and I've been spoiled by years of living with my parents, their large garden and three vegetable patches. Now living in my first floor flat, we don't have a garden, or a balcony, so I had to get creative. We do have a fire escape however, a big metal structure at the back of our flat, which comes in handy for drying washing and sitting on when the sun's shining. 

Primarily, I'm growing vegetables - I love being able to eat home grown food, lettuce, tomatoes, spring onions and runner beans. As well as rosemary and coriander - two of the herbs I use the most. 

I love this wire pot holder - I bought it from Tiger (a Scandinavian shop that sells all sorts of quirky homeware, office supplies and all sorts).

If you're interested in container gardening or gardening on a budget - here are a few tips:

- Save the plastic trays you get mince or strawberries or grapes in - washed up, they make great seed trays - make sure to put a few holes in the bottom with a skewer if they don't have any already.

- Start your plants off inside, on windowsills so they get plenty of light, stand your trays in shallow dishes so water doesn't leak onto your floors.

- You can get really cheap gardening supplies like flower pots, flower canes, seeds and even bags of soil in money saving shops like the 99p Store. Supermarkets are really good for bigger plant pots too.

- Plants that grow upwards are perfect if you don't have much ground space - flowers like sweetpeas, vegetables like runner beans or peas wind round canes or railings - good for balconies.

So far all of the plants I have are grown from scratch, but the church around the corner from my university is having a Plant and Produce sale this Saturday and I'm hoping to pick up some geraniums for a reasonable price. I tend to avoid garden centres because they're pricey - but you can pick up plants from car boot sales and all sorts of other unlikely places and I swap my extra plants with friends - because no one needs 15 tomato plants!

A ♥

For more updates on my garden project search #gardeningwithoutagarden on instagram.

The Little Moments

We've had a few days of sun around these parts and despite having a crazy amount of schoolwork to do - end of year deadlines - I've snatched a few precious hours of sunshine this week.

Not having a garden means H and I retreat to a little park around the corner from our flat, on sunny days, armed with books and a knitted blanket.

I've also discovered the most amazing cafe - that I've been walking past everyday on my way to university for six months, yet had never ventured inside. They have the most amazing smoothies, and the decor is beautiful.

I have a big project due in tomorrow - which will be a relief, and then I'm going to spend a couple of days working on fun stuff, before diving straight back into schoolwork. 

 I hope you've had a lovely Bank Holiday Weekend.

A ♥

Oh Art School.

I'm struggling to find the point in lots of things at the moment. Art school is one such thing.

Art school is hard work. Don't get me wrong, I am not afraid of hard work. In fact, I like hard work. I like spending 12hrs at university and staying in the library until it closes. I love sketchbooks and filling them with ideas and prototypes and practise after practise of new techniques. Fat sketchbooks are the key to a happy heart in my opinion. Hard work is always worth it when it pays off. I happily work 12hr shifts in my part time job, I work night shifts and anti social hours because I like my job, and the work I do there is appreciated. At work, hard work pays off. At art school, that is not the case. I am sick of working myself to death, staying up to stupid hours of the morning, only to stand up in front of my class in a critique, to have my hard work torn apart by tutors.

Art is the only thing I've ever really been any good at and I love it. I love drawing, I love sewing, I love making things. I love photography. I love craft. My degree is slowly poisoning my passion for what I do. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong and it's exhausting. I'm sick of feeling run down and not having the time or energy to cook proper meals.

I can't decide whether it's worth it. I don't know if I can handle two more years of feeling out of place, and then what? More of the same? Standing up in front of potential clients, being treated in exactly the same way. The art world is hard. I don't want to live a life that is a constant struggle to prove I'm worth something.

I have to do some thinking, and I have to start my Final Major Project - a prospect I was more excited about before I received this term's marks. It's hard work. And not the kind of hard work I like.

Kim, a fellow art student and a dear friend of mine, touched upon the subject in a vlog post recently. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.

A ♥

Catching my breath

You know the week's where everything gets on top of you? Well last week was one of those. I had two big hand-ins at university - one went well, and the other… not so much. I'm having to try very hard to remember why I'm at art school, as I find the art world and everything it encompasses, very difficult to tolerate most of the time. But it's nearly Easter break now, so I can forget about it all for a while. I'm concentrating on knitting and crochet projects (and not the big Drawing deadline I have tomorrow, or the essay I need to write, or my Final Major Project) and taking it easy - well easier at any rate, for a while.

A ♥

I am having a week of insecurity. Will I ever get this finished? Am I working hard enough? Am I good enough? I have two deadlines next week and a big drawing deadline the week after. We're starting our final major project in a fortnight and I have three weeks to complete my staff training at work, which means working an extra shift until I get it signed off. 

I don't want to complain too much, but students have a reputation of laziness that I don't think we deserve. My degree is a full time degree. Not twelve hours of lectures a week, masquerading as a full time degree. I am there all day, everyday. When I'm not in the studio, I'm trying to fit my artwork around my job, at which I work till midnight, or do 12hr shifts on a regular basis, so I can afford to pay the rent. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I'm envious of all the people on my course who don't need to work, for whatever reason. They can spend their evenings relaxing or doing work at a sensible pace, not frantically trying to finish drawings in the early hours of the morning. I worry that my tutors think I'm lazy, or not applying myself, as I'm one of the extreme minority who that work evening and weekends. This is something I don't understand, I  don't know how they can afford not to work. I like earning my own money, I like being able to support myself. I don't want to just live off my student loan, or have to ask my parents whenever I need anything. 

It gets difficult when university insist on bringing my deadlines forward. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up, nor do I feel like I'm putting all I can into my projects. Still. Must keep trying.

A ♥