I am having a week of insecurity. Will I ever get this finished? Am I working hard enough? Am I good enough? I have two deadlines next week and a big drawing deadline the week after. We're starting our final major project in a fortnight and I have three weeks to complete my staff training at work, which means working an extra shift until I get it signed off.
I don't want to complain too much, but students have a reputation of laziness that I don't think we deserve. My degree is a full time degree. Not twelve hours of lectures a week, masquerading as a full time degree. I am there all day, everyday. When I'm not in the studio, I'm trying to fit my artwork around my job, at which I work till midnight, or do 12hr shifts on a regular basis, so I can afford to pay the rent. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I'm envious of all the people on my course who don't need to work, for whatever reason. They can spend their evenings relaxing or doing work at a sensible pace, not frantically trying to finish drawings in the early hours of the morning. I worry that my tutors think I'm lazy, or not applying myself, as I'm one of the extreme minority who that work evening and weekends. This is something I don't understand, I don't know how they can afford not to work. I like earning my own money, I like being able to support myself. I don't want to just live off my student loan, or have to ask my parents whenever I need anything.
It gets difficult when university insist on bringing my deadlines forward. I don't think I'm ever going to catch up, nor do I feel like I'm putting all I can into my projects. Still. Must keep trying.